I work with many, many families. My work with adult family members sometimes focuses on helping them figure out how they can — and want to — stay in relationship with one another, even when they disagree on deeply charged topics.

The short answer: yes, you can stay connected to family members with differing views, if you want to. But that “if” matters. The first question each person must answer for themselves is: how valuable is this relationship? Is staying connected worth tolerating your differences? For some, the answer is yes. For others, it is not — and that’s okay.

Start with Your Why

Next, I invite you to consider why you want to stay in relationship with these family members. Knowing why you’re doing something is always helpful, especially when it’s hard. Do you love them? Do you want to create more memories together? What would you lose if the relationship ended? What might you gain? Is the relationship safe and healthy? If not, is there a possibility of reshaping it so that no one is being harmed?

There are no wrong answers here. The goal is simply to get clear on what you truly feel is best for you.

Be Honest About Your Intentions

I also want you to be honest with yourself: do you secretly hope — or believe — that you can change your family member’s views? If that’s the underlying reason you want to stay connected, it’s worth pausing to ask: is that actually possible?

In my experience, that kind of change only happens through genuinely safe, curious conversations sustained over a long period of time — not from a pointed social media post. If you have a hidden agenda, the relationship is unlikely to feel truly safe or easy for either of you. Consider how you would feel if your family member were only talking to you in order to change your beliefs.

Setting Boundaries That Work for Your Family

If everyone does want to stay connected, the next step is creating agreements about how you’ll interact on issues where you disagree. Some families find it possible to take religion and politics entirely off the table. If these topics reliably cause harm and conflict, why keep returning to them? (And again — are you hoping to change someone’s mind?)

That said, other families find it disingenuous or nearly impossible to avoid these subjects altogether. In those cases, I help clients get clear on why they want to have these conversations, what boundaries they’d like to set, and how to approach sensitive topics with care and love. For example, one boundary might be that family members don’t comment on each other’s social media posts. Another might be that religion and politics are off-limits on holidays or special occasions — but that the family agrees to meet separately to discuss these issues at another time.

Families don’t need to agree with one another, nor do they need to avoid these topics entirely if they don’t want to. But many families do need to develop some skills to keep these conversations from damaging their connection. Here are some of the skills I teach in my therapy practice:

1. Noticing and regulating your own emotions.
2. Approaching conversations with genuine curiosity.
3. Validating others even when you disagree with them.
4. Recognizing black-and-white thinking and seeking more nuanced understanding.

The Rewards of Working Through It

For many families, working through these challenges leads to deeper understanding, greater connection, and genuine respect. Clients often report feeling more bonded, more empathetic, and more at ease with their family members after going through this process — and find that it gives them the tools to navigate other difficult conversations as well.

Our lives are richer when we can engage meaningfully with people who are different from us. And learning from the people you love can be a true gift.

If you’d like to improve your relationships with your family members, please reach out for a free family therapy consultation today.